Hi Jenni,

Hope the antibiotics kick in soon and you start to feel better.

Love Doreen xx

Are you sure you should be sorting out the meal for AUK when you are so unwell? You DO need to rest to give the infection time to clear. xxx

Get better very soon!! Don't do a thing! Feet up and chill!

Lxxx

Jenni

So sory you are not well. You know what you should do. Be kind to yourself.

Sheila x

Hello

Done too much the last few days as it was my brother in laws wedding and there is lots going on in the personal stuff and plus we are moving home again today after the builders have finished I am so so tired and WOW I hurt.

My in laws- well. They are a very "different" sort of family to mine.... mine are not perfect but Im afraid to say that my in laws are the most selfish people I have ever met.

I KNEW they wouldnt help with Bernie and Richard said "of course they will" but he was off being best man for his brother (whos a nice guy) and It was me and Michael basically with a lively and excited flower girl whos nearly 4.

Perfect strangers are offering to help but richards parents? they just sat there. At one point I asked for them to hold Bs hand while I just found a way of being propped up for a standing photo and my father in law harrumphed and mock rolled his eyes and when B reached for his hand he went "urgh" and pulled his hand away. I think he thinks hes joking but B didnt know what to do poor little love. What a complete arse that man is...

You know, they live 2 mins from our door and we never see them. They have nothing going on in their lives- not brilliant health wise but have no friends and never go out. Just miserable miserly miserable people. Have stacks of £ and store it all... we struggle but you know what its not about the £. Its about how miserly they are about their very lives.

Oh Im cross about them today.

I have told richard I dont want them at Bs birthday this yr. they dont help and will try and give me a voucher of a tenner for Bs present. They always give a voucher as they cant be bothered to choose a present and I end up getting her something and putting the £10 towards it. You know what, if they actually invested in their grandchildren they would KNOW what to get B wouldnt they? Im not playing the game anymore.

They think there is nothing wrong with their behaviour at all. I have asked Richard to tell them because right now I dont want anything to do with them. For them its all too much trouble and Im fed up with having our children and us let down.

Sometime ago they did say they wanted to be more involved so we set up numerous chances for them to come out with us, take the children to things (I bought all the tickets) etc. But they constantly moaned. Took them to a bonfire night and stood in silence mostly apart from moaning about the noise and chill. Id paid £20 for them to take the older 2 and there was a hot dog stand and they didn't get the children one- even though I said if they wanted something Id pay them back. Moaned all the way and I had 2 stunned looking children on the doorstep after 40 mins....
Ask to join us in the country park for a picnic and frisbee? No- they cant come. Yes they do have a car... but they have a free bus pass and cant use that to get to the country park so dont come.
They camp places- our children would LOVe TO go but they havent ever even asked them to visit let alone stay.
ASked to help getting G to an appointment when Im in hospital- no cant possibly. Why? because thats the day they go to sainsburys and the other date is when they are going for a walk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The last straw was last yr for Bernices birthday cake- youd think Id asked them to trudge bare foot through snow ice and blizzards and grow the bloody flour.... I just rang and asked if we could collect the cake the night before and was told it wasnt ready yet so I asked what they were doing that night. None of my business apparently what they choose to do or not to do.....

Then the cake was a sponge with a pre printed icing of Mr Tumble that they had bought ready done.

MIL loves baking and I really did think they would like to do it.

but no

Its all too much trouble for them in their lives...

They have cocoa at 8.35pm after their showers....
Honestly youd think they were older than my grandparents....

Im resting but Im so so cross!
I have no idea what to do about any of this.
But I know I dont want them there at Bs birthday. Im fed up with their selfish horrible ways.

They are pleasant enough to speak to. I have forgiven them a lot because they never did make a fuss about my disability or the fact I came with 2 children to the marriage, saying that it was richards choice but somehow that doesnt feel enough now.

am I too steroidy to think straight or have I missed the point?

Jenni xx

I can't believe how selfish these people can be!!!
Don't they want to see their grandchildren, and take them places???? I just don't get it!!! You are so right to say you don't want them at Bernie's party, it will be a much happier day without them. She needs people who enjoy being with her, and not just because it's their "duty"
I miss Amelie, the little girl I childminded for I cared for her for over two years, and when she left I sobbed!! I miss her so much, I have tears in my eyes just typing this. She isn't my family, but she feels like she is and I hate not seeing her now she is in nursery at Balham. If I feel like this about a child I am not related to I dread to think what I'll be like if and when I do get grandchildren!!!
They have no idea what they're missing, they will have a very lonley old age.
You don't need to try any more, you've done the best you can to involve them, but they just don't care enough. I would be just as angry as you. My children were loved by their grandparents and spent lots of time with them, it made their lives fuller.
Jenni, just worry about yourselves, get into your home and let them live their miserable lives

Hi Jennie b just read your story its like reading mine back to front me and my husband have always been supportive of my son through the breakdown of his first relationship that brought us our first grandson whoom we love dearly and would be lost without.He has a new partner now and everything was fine when they had there first child together and we were in there lives for support and help with bills and even bought them a car to help when they had the baby.They have had another baby since and I have seen him once he is three months old now and my husband hasn't even seen him yet.She started an argument months ago about my interest in the first born saying I wasn't doing enough and didn't take him anywhere (I pointed out that if she was comparing our interest with our first grandson it was now ten years on and also ten years on with the progression of ra and I could never give the same .The reply I recieved was I was born not to work and wouldnt know a days work if it slapped me in the face and that her child (my second grandchild) does not need me and never will.I cannot understand people somtimes you think you know them but u do'nt.You just think of yourself and your family as for the inlaws they know where your at if they need you.xmags

Hi Jenni
I hope you are feeling better! Sorry to say this but it was so good to hear that I am not the only one with horrible in laws!! my mother in law takes no notice of my daughter (10) her only grandchild and for 10 years I let her drive me to the brink of madness, but now (dont know where the sense came from) I just ignore her because she is the looser - my daughter hardly knows her and has no wish to spend any time with her, its funny really as she describes her as the strange nana...

As for my RA she once declared that it was not in her family, like you could catch it!! How do I handle that well I now (never used to) hug her when we leave from a visit She is now know as the outlaw ... anyway thanks again for your post, this place really lifts my sprits!
Steph

Jenni

Your predicament really saddens me. As they say you can choose your friends but not your relatives.

I have a similar situation with my Husband's side of the family. My Daughter was dreading spending time with them as they spent all their time moaning and talking about themselves, so we decided as a family unit to back off as the tension was affecting our relationship with each other. If they needed us they knew where we were. As yet they keep their distance but I am sure one day they will realise what they are missing out on. Luckily my Mum is a wonderful "Granny" and my Daughter really does not miss her other Grandparents.

You are right in taking a stance.

Take care

Jackie
xx